Remorse

Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for your goodness’ sake, O Lord!
—Psalm 25:7

Under the cover of silence we carry within us the indiscretions, failures, betrayals, and sins that we have committed throughout the course of our lives. We are adept at cleverly disguising these personal collapses, so that we appear acceptable and upright to the rest of the world.

But, in the silent darkness of our own soul, those collapses can assert themselves relentlessly. We remember the situations, we re-live our responses, we spiral into the depth of sorrow for what we have done that cannot be undone. It is these collapses that are often responsible for our unwillingness to spend time in the world of our spirit. We want to avoid, deny, or retreat from those memories that leave us feeling as if we are impostors in our daily lives.

The freedom for us lies not in avoidance, denial, or retreat. The freedom is found when we open the door to our soul and sit with the collapses. There in that terrifying space, we can whisper the prayer asking God to place a blanket of forgiveness over all that we have done that is less than we would have hoped for ourselves.

That prayer always melts the heart of God, and in every instance that blanket is carefully laid over all that has kept us feeling diminished and unworthy. It takes only a whispered prayer.

O God, give me the courage to face myself, then entrust the truth I see there to your mercy.